Walking the tightrope

So yesterday was Cinco De Mayo.  I must say one of my favorite holidays!  I absolutely love Mexican food.  I could eat it every meal!  And all day I kept remembering my past Cinco De Mayo’s: getting out of class/work early, wearing lots of pink (I know it’s not really a traditional Cinco De Mayo thing but it’s what I do), eating Mexican food and drinking Margaritas.  Last night I wanted a Margarita so bad.  Forget the fact that earlier in the day I wasn’t feeling 100%, not full flare and I was up and out of bed but I did feel off.  Add the fact that I work until 11pm and it’s not really logical to go get Margaritas then.  But I made them anyways and then was up until 2am.  I love Margaritas and there was no way I was missing one of my favorite holidays.  (But if we celebrated every time a country beat the French, we’d also be celebrating every day.  Yah I said it, I didn’t stutter).

Once it hits your lips it tastes so good

Was it worth it last night? Yes.  Is it worth it today? Not sure.  I had my green monster of course which made things a little better but I still am feeling sluggish today.  It’s not like I drank enough for a full blown hangover but the combo of drinking and staying up late did not do my body good.  It’s hard to say no to having fun with your friends and the boyfriend just because of the possibility of not feeling well.  Cause at the time, I was feeling fine.  I say no enough when I’m sick, why say no when I’m feeling fine?  It’s so hard to have the normal social life of a 24 year old and be constantly sick. I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope all the time; trying to balance the things I want to do and Lupus.  Yesterday, I didn’t balance.  It’s not like I fell into the Tiger pit below (remember the video of the little Chinese girl on the tightrope…yah majorly messed up!) But I do not feel great today.

It’s a hard to balance the desire to have fun and the consequences of being a normal 24 year old.  Cause when I do have fun, I need a day to recover.  No matter what that fun is.  It can be as simple as a date night, but I will need the next day to sleep and rest.  Today I can’t do that, and I’m suffering for it.  I know I need to listen to my body, but I also just want to be 24.  And every day I feel like I’m walking that line.

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